That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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