Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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