in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
