This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
