I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and you said cock pushups were impossible
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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