He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
