We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
