Im at strip club and am horny
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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