you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
