i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
