I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
