Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
