You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
