Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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