this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
