so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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