I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
