And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
