6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
ok first of all what the fuck
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
