I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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