I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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