Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
