My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
