I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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