we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
