i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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