i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
