I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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