I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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