I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
