i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
