I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
