He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
