he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
