whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
