I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
