went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
