Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
