Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
