matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
