I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
