No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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