Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
