it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
