I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She made me pour olive oil on her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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