I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
