Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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