im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
