woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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