apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
