I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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