If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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