and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
