If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
