Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
