remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
