Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
