So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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