no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
