mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
