i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
