So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
