some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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