i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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