Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
